Paramount Pays the Troll Toll
Trump’s Library Gets a $16 Million Tip, the First Amendment Gets Mugged.
CBS's parent company, Paramount, has just agreed to pay Donald Trump $16 million to settle his $20 million lawsuit over a 2020 60 Minutes interview. The money won’t go to Trump personally—it’s earmarked for his future presidential library, which we assume will be a gold-plated Bass Pro Shop with a golf simulator and a conspiracy wing sponsored by Truth Social.
Trump originally sued for $10 billion, claiming CBS edited Kamala Harris’s interview to make him look bad because nothing screams “dictator energy” like suing journalists for making you look like… well, yourself.
The Freedom of the Press Foundation called Paramount’s payout “spineless,” saying it insults the First Amendment and journalism itself. We agree. When the bar is on the floor, Paramount just tunneled under it.
Here’s a punchier, shortened version that keeps the fire:
Let’s Cut the Crap: Trump’s Not “Low on Ammo”—He’s Delivering for Putin
The White House claims U.S. stockpiles are “too low” to keep arming Ukraine. Sure. And I’m the Queen of England.
While the press chased Trump’s latest tantrum yesterday, he quietly ordered another weapons shipment to Ukraine to be stopped. Not for strategy—for Putin.
This is Trump fulfilling a deal. Putin helped him return to power. Now he’s repaying the favor—one stalled missile at a time.
No spin can hide it:
Ukraine’s bleeding out.
Putin’s thriving.
And the White House is helping.
This isn’t politics. It’s betrayal.
Our rights? Being deleted.
Democracy? On life support.
And the guy unplugging the machine is golfing at Mar-a-Lago.
The Big, Bankrupt, Blame-Everyone-Else Bill
Congress Wrestles With Trump’s “Budget Chernobyl”
The House is about to vote on Trump’s signature tax-and-slash bill after it barely squeezed through the Senate, thanks to VP J.D. Vance casting the tie-breaking vote while pretending not to hear his conscience scream.
House Speaker Mike Johnson is desperately trying to keep his party in line as Republicans threaten a mutiny over Medicaid cuts and whatever fiscal horror show the Senate added. Oh, and a heat dome might keep lawmakers from showing up. Nothing says “democracy in action” like “sorry, too sweaty to legislate.”
According to the CBO, Trump’s bill will cause 17 million people to lose their health insurance. But on the bright side, billionaires will get to write off their third yacht.
Bro Is Just a Walking HR Violation
OSC Nominee Thinks 9/11 Was a Vibe Check
Trump’s nominee to lead the Office of Special Counsel, Ryan Ingrassia, is 30, has no experience, and thinks Alex Jones is underrated. He’s boosted Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes and said “straight white men are the most intelligent group” and should be prioritized in schools. In short, he’s every Reddit troll who thinks he’s a philosopher because he owns a chessboard.
Climate Reports? What Climate Reports?
The Planet’s Melting, But Trump Says “Don’t Worry About It”
The White House has ghosted the National Climate Assessments—you know, the peer-reviewed life-saving reports that tell cities how not to flood or spontaneously combust. The administration says they’re now “at NASA,” but no one knows where, and NASA is not returning calls, probably because they’re too busy tracking the fires.
Judge to Trump: You Can’t Deport Everyone Just Yet
A Small Legal Speed Bump on the Road to Full Ethno-State
A federal judge just blocked Trump’s attempt to cancel deportation protections for 521,000 Haitian immigrants, saying, “No, actually, you can’t break that law either.” The Department of Homeland Security had tried to scrap TPS early, because nothing says “America First” like deporting people who’ve been here legally for years and work essential jobs.
USAID: From Life-Saving Hero to Trump’s Next Target
“Let’s Cancel That Thing That Saves 92 Million Lives” – Someone with Brainworms
A new study claims that USAID saved 92 million lives between 2001 and 2021. Now, Trump wants to dismantle it, which researchers say could result in 14 million deaths in the next five years. But hey—who needs global health infrastructure when you’ve got campaign rallies and a TikTok ban?
Iran Says “No Thanks” to Nuclear Oversight
Because Global Stability Was Too Boring Anyway
Iran’s president is now suspending cooperation with the International Atomic Energy Agency, because why not throw one more match on the dumpster fire? This comes just as the U.S. announced it’s halting weapons deliveries to Ukraine, including everything from Patriots to Hellfires. The White House says this is about “prioritizing U.S. interests,” but let’s be real—it’s about whatever Trump saw on Newsmax last night.